A Man’s True Sexual Nature

Image credits belong to: stokpic | Pixabay

“Author George Gilder in his 1973 book Sexual Suicide reported that men commit more than 90 percent of major crimes of violence, 100 percent of the rapes, and 95 percent of the burglaries. Men comprise 94 percent of our drunken drivers, 70 percent of suicides, and 91 percent of offenders against family and children. Most often, the chief perpetrators are single men.” (pg. 55) 

That is from Every Young Man’s Battle, a 2002 best-selling Christian book on sexual purity written by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn.  

I guess my singlehood put me at risk of becoming a perpetrator for many years. Perhaps? I was single more often than I was in a relationship throughout my adolescence and my twenties. I am not concerned with the source and accuracy of the above quote right now as much as I would like to reflect on how this made me feel as an adolescent and then a man in his twenties. Just by being male, I felt like I was an aggressor and a violator. I felt like it was in my nature. 

Or was it?

Can I stop myself from being an aggressor or a violator if I refuse to feel like one and refuse to include that in my inner narrative? Perhaps that is the wrong image to define the essential nature of men. If I exercise no aggression or violations against anyone nor choose to feel that way, why define me as such?

Perhaps feminists would accept those statistics as evidence that men are the nucleus of our society’s sexual and social woes. Perhaps people like Jordan Peterson would accept this to mean that the oppressive patriarchy does not exist. 

Men comprise 70 percent of the suicides even though depression is reportedly higher among women? I imagine some would object that depression is underreported among men. Nevertheless, this is interesting.  

Image credits belong to: DanaTentis | Pixabay

The information below comes from a 2015 article from the US National Library of Medicine:  

“The prevalence of major depression is higher in women than in men; in 2010 its global annual prevalence was 5.5% and 3.2%, respectively, representing a 1.7-fold greater incidence in women.”

I suppose a lot could be said about women’s reproductive years (between 25 and 44 years of age) that distinguish their depression risks from men’s. For instance, women’s estrogen and progesterone hormones have a relationship with their neurotransmitter, neuroendocrine, and circadian systems that contribute to mood disorders.

In Every Young Man’s Battle, Stoeker and Arterburn believe men are rebellious by nature. I suppose we are always wanting to mutiny against God and purity, with a constant sexual drive and sperm production that “naturally desires a sexual release about every seventy-two hours or so.” (pg. 56) 

Or does that just serve the narrative that some Christian leaders want us to adopt about ourselves?   

Romans 7:21-24 often captivatingly described how I felt about my arduous adolescent journey of making crucial moral choices as a former Christian. The authors of the book use it to paint a poignant picture of a war against yourself and God: 

“When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am!”

As Stoeker and Arterburn believe we are engineered to be gratified by the next female body walking by, they gotta instill it in us that women cannot relate: 

“Their ignitions are tied to touch and relationship. They view this visual aspect of our sexuality as shallow and dirty, even detestable.” (pg. 57)

The complaints I daily see from women in my social media feed seem to reflect this. I have seen so many women publicly post images of men torpedoing them with private messages. These men become slimy and salacious only milliseconds after learning her name. The dirty pickup lines are not cute. They are rapey solicitations for nude photos and bedroom play. I think most (maybe all) women have been called a “bitch”, at least once in their life, just for saying “no” to a stranger’s advances. A lot of women have encountered a sense of ravenous entitlement from men that reflects a narcissistic and predatory nature. Women are thoroughly creeped out by daily messages from strangers and even maybe acquaintances and friends seeking to selfishly satisfy themselves. To put it simply, a lot of women feel like they are a means to an end. They feel objectified and dehumanized. No wonder they increasingly crave “touch and relationship” as the days pass and our youth seem to no longer hold sex as sacred. Many women dread getting ghosted the millisecond after getting penetrated.   

After years of frequently witnessing men act like dribbling wolves around women, I am rather ashamed to call myself a member of the male sex. But Every Young Man’s Battle never truly helped me to manage that shame. This book never gave me tried-and-true techniques on how to filter out thoughts meant for being expressed at a better time and place. For Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn, the male libido is nothing but an evil machine that cannot be controlled without the all-or-nothing standards from the One said to have designed it all.  

“Our eyes give us men the means to sin broadly and at will. We don’t need a date. We don’t ever need to wait. We have our eyes, which we can use to imbibe sexual gratification at any time. We’re turned on by female nudity in any way, shape, or form. We aren’t picky. It can come in a photograph of a nude stranger just as easily as in a romantic interlude with a naked girlfriend. We have a visual ignition switch when it comes to viewing the female anatomy.” (pg. 57)

Any fantasy or sexual thought is a form of “sexual foreplay.” Merely thinking about fondling a girl is the same as actually doing it. God is against “petting.” Ezekiel 23:3 proves it. Right?! 

“In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.”

This usage of Ezekiel 23:3 is a great example of evangelical broad brushstrokes baked into a book full of priggish slippery slope fallacies training you to feel bad for just having a thought…almost as bad as you would feel if others could actually hear your thoughts.

Caressing is foreplay that puts you on the slippery slope to inevitable intercourse. “If not with her tonight, then at least with masturbation later back home. If not with her tonight, then maybe tomorrow night when her will has weakened.” (pg. 58)   

I do not doubt the many reports from women who sense ulterior motives behind a suave smile and genial gestures. The coaxing is subtle and subliminal. He slowly works on her, eroding away her self-restraint after each meeting. However, running the race is not the same as finishing it. Batting from home plate is not the same as running the bases and then making it back to home plate. However, again, admonitions should be directed toward any man who makes a woman feel like he has ulterior motives for being in her presence. He is not exactly evil, but deserves to be questioned. But Every Young Man’s Battle wants to make everything appear black-and-white:

“For married men, lustfully thinking of another woman is the same as having physical adultery. If that’s true, then for single men, lustfully thinking of women must surely be the same as doing it as well. How much more so if you’re masturbating while you do it!” (pg. 58) 

I am going to put myself out on a limb here and say that most monogamous wives and girlfriends probably do not want to hear about your passing thoughts and fantasies about other women, but they will not be quick to literally judge you as an adulterer if they would hear about them. 

“No doubt about it: Visual sexual gratification is a form of sex for men. As males, we draw sexual gratification and chemical highs through our eyes.” (pg. 59) 

You really cannot convince me that only men, and not women, experience these chemical highs and sex hormones. With the brain’s hypothalamus at the helm, testosterone and estrogen are hormones released by the testes and ovaries, apparently driving lust in both men and women. Attraction cannot take place without the release of dopamine and norepinephrine. Oxytocin and vasopressin occur with attachment. 

So, if men and women share these biological commonalities, are women truly incapable of relating to us, men? Are they truly not capable of matching our level of lust? If we are more alike than we are different, that makes me feel different about Galatians 6:7-8’s assertion that we are bound to reap destruction for pleasing ourselves. If a man and a woman can both agree on what they want from each other, there is a powerful feeling of unity and mutuality that transcends these assertions about men always being at the edge of sin and sexual violation. 

Galatians 6:7-8 is malarkey:

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction.”

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